Let me guess! You’re in a dating relationship with a man already. He’s cute, charming and adorable. He always knows the exact word to say and the right things to do to wrap you around his finger. You always want to be around him and you are always proud to show up with him. Nevertheless, you have a bad feeling about him.
Your gut tells you that he’s a player or womanizer. Oh, that feeling can be pretty disturbing for practically all women.
Now the question “Is he a player or is he serious?” keep popping up in your mind.
And you know what?
You are not alone! Just about all women are afraid that the guy they’re dating is a player. And they are curious to know whether he is serious or not.
Funny enough, women are even more attracted to these kinds of men. Women are terrified of being used, led on or played by a man.
When it comes to a new relationship the best thing you can do for yourself is to be open-minded. Thinking about being used or played at the beginning of a relationship is not a very healthy way of thinking.
Moreover, it is a shame to allow your current relationship to be influenced because you’re afraid you may get hurt in the future. Besides, the good news is that very few men are “genuinely bad” or have “Don Juan or Casanova syndrome”, and are actually real players.
But having said that, I don’t want to pretend that the problem doesn’t exist and that it’s all just sunshine and roses.
How To Spot A Player or Womanizer
Today, I will share with you in this article 19 warning signs you can use to immediately spot if he is a player or womanizer and is playing you – even when he doesn’t want you to find out…
This will help you to be clear that he loves you or if he is just pretending.
Now, let’s rock and roll…
1. He’s very nice to you in private, but he doesn’t try as hard in public
Players are great at playing the sweet, affectionate man when you’re together, but in public, he’s more distant and less tender. Bad guys want to look single – or at least not too lovey-dovey – in a relationship.
He may also be nervous about running into one of his other partners that he’s seeing. It doesn’t matter if it’s on the street or at an event.
If there’s a big difference between his private and public behaviour, then this is a sign that he is not right for you. The only reason he’s doing that is that he has something to hide.
2. He guards his phone like a hawk
This is still the absolute best way to recognize a player and/or cheater. If he never leaves his phone lying around and/or has a security code that he always enters in such a way that you can’t see it, then that’s a bad sign.
If he turns his phone away when he reads a message, you can assume there’s something wrong. Some guys even go so far as to turn their phone off when they’re near you, or they even bring a second phone with them that’s clean.
Bonus tip: If you often hear his phone vibrate late in the evening, it’s not a good sign. Friends usually don’t text around 11:30 pm to say goodnight.
If you’re still frequently going out to bars and nightclubs every week, the following is crucial to you:
3. He keeps track of where you are and never goes to the same venue
This is always a funny remark that I hear from a lot of women when they’re dealing with a player:
He’s rarely available on Saturdays and always “accidentally” goes to a different venue than you are.
He will often send you a message on Saturdays asking you where you’re going and what your plans are. Sounds like he is doing it out of interest? In reality, it’s to make sure he doesn’t bump into you unexpectedly.
Why wouldn’t he want to bump into you out of the blue? There are two possibilities.
- He doesn’t want to go out with you because he’s with another woman.
- He wants to hit on other women one night, and you can get in the way of that.
Conclusion? An excellent way to see if he is a player or not.
4. He’s more distant towards you when there are other women around
I assume this is self-explanatory, but I’ll mention it just to be sure. If he’s more distant when other women are around, then this isn’t a good sign.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants something from them, but a player is simply a player, and it’s in his nature to flirt with women.
Please note, that this can be very subtle. I’ve seen men quietly flirting with other women while holding their girlfriend’s hand.
So it’s not that he’s one hundred per cent distant, but at least he doesn’t make it crystal clear that he’s madly in love with you.
5. He’s suspicious of you
Have you heard the saying “ill-doers are ill-dreamers”?
It can be an excellent way to recognize a player. It’s human nature that people tend to think that others are like them. For instance, selfish people believe that everyone only cares about themselves.
The same goes for players. And what’s one of the characteristics of a man who is never going to settle for just one woman? Jealousy.
Not only is he jealous, but he doesn’t trust you either. He always thinks you’re lying or fooling him.
Why?
He thinks – and sincerely believes – that lying and cheating is normal. That’s why he does it himself, and that’s why he doesn’t trust you.
6. He doesn’t have time for you on the weekends
Weekends are the most desirable time to hang out with your girl. Watch out if he always likes to meet you on quiet evenings. On a Tuesday night when he has nothing to do or, nobody better to hang out with, then he wants to see you.
Preferably after 9 pm. Because then he has to spend as little time with you as possible before going to sleep.
He never has time on Fridays or Saturdays.
Simply because then he wants to go out with his friends and meet other women. These two nights are the most important ones in the player’s or womanizer’s life.
7. He tells you very little about what he does when he’s not with you
If you ask him what his weekend was like, he’ll respond with:
“It was good, I had a nice time.”
He never goes into detail about what he does when he’s not with you. He can’t do this either. The time when he is not with you, he is usually spending it with other women. So, he won’t want to say much about it.
Most men are not very talkative, but will always have something to share with you. If he can’t come up with anything to say. This is something you should make a mental note of.
It might indicate that he is not serious about you and only playing…
8. He’s got a lot of exes
A high number of exes is an important sign to spot a player or womanizer.
Preferably also if he has exes with whom he’s “supposedly” still good friends with?
Then all your alarm bells should be ringing.
Players are often very good at getting into relationships, but notably worse at staying in them. So they spend their whole lives jumping from one relationship to another.
These relationships often overlap with each other.
9. He pays a lot of attention to his appearance
This on its own isn’t a deal-breaker. Looking good for your partner is one of the keys to a successful relationship. But, if he thinks the way he looks is overly important or he pays more attention to his looks than you do when you leave the house together, you need to be extra careful.
In the book Warning Signs, the authors explain that cheating men often suddenly pay more attention to their appearance.
That’s because when men feel available or are hunting for women, they do their best to look good.
So take note, and see if he is doing this. Especially if he doesn’t do it when you’re together, but only when he leaves the house. A player or womanizer sees every moment in public as an opportunity to meet new women.
10. A player or womanizer won’t introduce you to his parents or friends
This is not crazy and rather normal if he doesn’t introduce you to his parents and/or friends in the first few months of a relationship. But if you’ve been dating for more than half a year, it gets a little more serious.
Below are some of the reasons why players or womanizer want to avoid introducing you to his parents or friends:
- He probably has introduced many women to his parents.
- He’s only using you for sex, so why would he.
- You are just casual and he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression about the relationship.
Oh, and please note:
There is also the type of man who is so clever that he doesn’t mind meeting your parents and friends. Even if he has multiple relationships.
On the contrary, men with commitment phobia can show these signs as well.
11. He cheated on other women
This feels disturbing a little. I don’t know how a woman who starts a relationship with a married man, or a man she knew is cheating, expects the same man to stay faithful to her.
If he treats them the same way he treated his ex, they’re surprised.
I’m not even going to elaborate on this because I think it’s a bit dull that I even have to explain this. I mean, you knew from the minute you met him that he was a cheater.
According to a study by Kayla Knapp at Denver University, people who’ve ever had an affair once are even 3 times more likely to cheat again.
When a relationship starts with adultery, it often ends the same way.
12. He’s vague about whether he is dating other women
This is one of the easiest signs to see that he’s a player or womanizer. He’ll never get to bring up this subject himself. But if you ask him if he has other women he’s dating, he gives an imprecise and evasive answer.
He says things like:
- I sometimes meet up with someone, but it’s not really serious.
- I meet female friends once in a while.
- In the last few weeks, I have hardly met anyone.
In most cases he gets defensive and says something like:
- Why do you want to know? I’m not asking you about your love life, am I?
There are two kinds of players.
The first is a small group of players who’ll 100% lie to you about this. But the vast majority and the largest group will tell half-truths because they don’t want to lie to you.
(And yes, I’m aware that the difference between really lying or telling half-lies is tiny.)
13. He doesn’t want you to leave things at his house
It is normal to forget your things at his place and expect to find them at the appropriate place when next you come by. For instance, if you forget your shirt at his place, it is expected that you see it hung on the coat rack.
You need to be careful if you visit and find the thing you left in his place hidden. If he neatly stored your shirt or things in a plastic bag or in a drawer instead of displaying it on the shelf or rack it could be a sign that something is not right.
There is two possible reasons for such action. Firstly, he may have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder which causes him to clean up. Secondly, it’s possible that he didn’t want to give any clues to other women who might visit. Such is the way of a player or womanizer.
14. He finds it easy to get physical with other women
Men are brought up to be polite to women. So, most men are uncomfortable touching women they just met or dated. They may feel free to touch their loved ones or family members with whom they’re close.
Aside from being polite, most men don’t do this a lot because they’re afraid to come across as touchy and creepy.
Players, on the other hand, are so used to physical contact with women and flirting that they have a lot less trouble with it. They can carelessly put their hand on a woman’s shoulders during a conversation.
But believe me, men only do this when they have a great deal (maybe too much) of experience with women. It’s typical player behaviour.
15. He speaks badly about his ex-girlfriend
If he speaks badly about his exes is an elusive sign he is a player or womanizer.
Several women find it maddening when a man talks about his ex-girlfriend positively. In fact: It makes them feel insecure and uncertain when he says great things about her.
But then, in reality, you don’t have to be so scared of men like that.
On the other hand, though…
If he is negative and speaks critically about his exes you instantly know quite a few things about him
- Apparently, he effortlessly gets into relationships with women (even if he doesn’t like them very much).
- He has little respect for his exes and therefore, possibly for all the women he dates.
- This is probably how he’ll talk about you if you break up.
- His image of the women he dates is cynical.
Do you think you’re different? That he respects you?
Let me tell you this:
Every woman who had a relationship with a player that I’ve met thinks they are different and that he respects her.
Breaking news; you’re not different and he will most likely treat you the same way he does with his exes.
16. He doesn’t give you a key to his apartment
Supposing you have been dating for a few months and he had refused to give you a key to his apartment. My sister, don’t sleep with both eyes closed.
This is a pointer he is a player or womanizer.
Why?
Players and womanizers do this because he doesn’t want you to drop by his place unexpectedly.
If you’re the only woman for him, he wants to spend a lot of time with you.
Unless there’s a reason why you cannot / may not pass by unexpectedly, this is a simple way to identify a guy that is seeing multiple women.
17. He is often unable to meet but doesn’t give a clear reason why
When you want to meet him, he usually responds by saying, “I’m available on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.” He won’t give you an explanation of why he can’t meet on Thursday for example.
He prefers not to make up a lie and is doing this to avoid the subject.
(Men do this partly because they feel uncomfortable lying, but also because all those lies are impossible to remember).
So he says, “I can’t,” and he doesn’t give you an explanation why. This is a typical pattern among players.
18. He has many female friends
Is he a player? Well, if you are still unsure, whether he’s a player or otherwise here is another sign he is a player or a womanizer.
Trust me, this isn’t normal if he has several females around him with whom he’s “just” friends?
It’s perfectly normal for men to prefer the company of other men when it comes to friendships. But men hang out with women for very different reasons.
Besides, friendships between men and women rarely go well.
19. He knows how to talk his way out of everything
Most men aren’t good communicators. They find it difficult to know the right words to say.
It not a good sign if he can communicate effortlessly or he does have an explanation for everything or he can always reassure you of all of your suspicions.
The point is most men are miserably bad at communicating. Players have only gotten better at this through a lot of practice, and over time, they improved and get better.
Players can easily talk their way out of trouble and always know the right thing to say. This is can be a warning sign he is a player.
Wrap It Up!
Before you conclude your man is a player and dump him instantly because you spot some of the signs mentioned above in him.
You don’t have to worry yet if you spot one or two of these signs listed above in this article. It’s really not a big deal, and possibly there might be another explanation for his behavior.
Anyways, it doesn’t mean he’s a player or a bad guy if he exhibits some of these characteristics.
What I am trying to point out is that just one indicator or sign doesn’t have to mean anything. Human behavior is best-read and understood in clusters. Clusters are a group of signs that all point to the same conclusion.
Nevertheless, do you notice a great deal of the behaviours or signs from this article? If your answer is yes; well, at this point there’s a good chance he’s a player and might be seeing multiple women, and it might be time to reconsider your relationship with this man.
If so, then I recommend you check out this article on how to let go of a player
I’d also advise you to go through this article to see if he’s leading you on without him ever planning on committing to you.
At any rate, do not fall into the following deceptions and think:
He was a player, but now you’ve changed him.
He’s going to change.
He thinks you’re special and he was only like that with other women.
These three things is what I hear from women time and again, and I can only look at the with sympathy when they say this to me.
The truth is that most women fool themselves in the name of keeping a relationship. But certainly, you only hurt yourself if you fool yourself.
Now, I believe you’ve acquired the knowledge and the know-how to spot a player in his ways. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.
Do you know of any other ways to spot a player or womanizer? Please feel free to share with us in the comment section below. I greatly value your opinion.
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