Poor relationships with the in-laws had brought havoc to many marriages. Couples’ experience with in-laws varies depending on the kind of relationship they had. In-laws are blessings to some married couples who have enjoyed the love and support of their in-laws but for some, in-laws can be a pain in the unspeakable part of the body.
Your relationship with your in-laws can have a great impact on your relationship. Statistics revealed that 11% of separated couples blamed their divorce on poor relationships with their in-laws. Another study shows that the number can be higher in other regions like the UK. Although this figure doesn’t look extraordinarily high, yet it’s still alarming since marriage should never end due to poor relationships because of outsiders (of the marriage).
Commonly, many couples face turmoil in their marriage due to poor relationships with their in-laws. This is less common with men than their female counterparts of which a high percentage of them had a rotten relationships with their mother-in-law.
Good relationships are an essential part of life and it is never good to have a spoiled relationship with anyone including your in-laws. As we age, our life is defined by our relationship with others and hence the need to repair and build upon any broken relationships that may exist.
If you’re facing difficulty in repairing your relationship with your in-laws, but sincerely want to resolve matters, I offer the following suggestions below to make this much easier:
But, first, you have to recognize how your relationship with your in-laws affects your marriage
- Your spouse may feel hurt or think that you do not value his / her parents enough. This may create feelings of resentment towards you and can sometimes escalate into bigger issues. In most cases, such a scenario fuels other minor matters into bigger problems in a marriage.
- Great family time, such as holidays, family dinner, family functions or gatherings may become uncomfortable moments due to poor relationships with your in-laws.
- Having an unpleasant relationship with your in-laws may affect the kids and cause them to feel negative emotions towards either party.
- An unpleasant relationship with your in-laws can hurt feelings and lines of communication can be misunderstood.
Ways to improve your relationship with your in-laws
poor relationships with your in-laws can put a lot of stress on your marriage. To safeguard your marriage from unnecessary trauma coming from your in-laws, I’ve outlined some advice below and I hope it will strengthen your relationship with your in-laws:
1. Forgive And Move On
Unforgiveness can be very destructive, it pollutes the soul and enslaves people. Allow yourself to forgive and move on. Agreed, your in-laws may say or do things that hurt you but holding feelings of anger or resentment will only hurt you, not the person causing the pain.
By forgiving them you free yourself from pain and allow yourself to move on to issues that are of great importance and add value to your life
2. Put Yourself In Their Shoes
Most often than not, perspective is the cause of conflict and argument among people. We see things from a different angle and so we say or do things based on what we see. This creates issues of misunderstanding among in-laws a lot of time.
So, instead of taking offence, perhaps try to know their position, see things from their viewpoint and carefully explain yours.
Obviously when upset, communication skills can suffer which means you can blow hot when you don’t necessarily have to. It is wise to prepare yourself before having any kind of conversation by reminding yourself to always stay calm and spend a moment thinking and processing before offering a reply. And, always remember, they are your in-laws consequently they deserve some respect.
3. Put The Past Behind You
Nothing ruins a relationship like the past you fail to put behind you. As humans, we will hurt one another from time to time and yet we have to live together on the ball of sand called earth. Hence, the need to constantly remember the saying, – ‘let bygone be bygone’.
In order to repair and enjoy a pleasant relationship with your in-laws, you have to decide to put what was done in the past behind you. Come to an agreement that what was done or said in the past will remain there; not to be discussed or used again in later conversations. This will help to heal the pain that may have been caused by allowing you to feel free from the matter and its potential for affecting you again.
4. Keep Building On Your Relationship
Begin to move forward by building on your relationship – When the timing is right, begin to slowly build upon your relationship with your in-laws. Create positive moments to meet perhaps by inviting them to a family function or a small gathering at your house.
If you live together, be a little kinder to them. Try to make it up to them by going out of your way to do things for them. It may be as little as packing their plate after a meal or helping them with something they forget to do themselves.
Wrap It Up!
Poor relationships are unavoidable things in life, but that does not suggest that every poor relationship is unrepairable. Oftentimes, poor communication skills, lack of compassion and unwillingness to compromise are the cause of broken relationships. if clear lines of communication can be opened and a feeling of compassion can be felt, many of our relationships have the ability to stand the test of time.
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