One factor that frequently causes relationship issues among couples is communication mistakes. Indeed, most relationship issues can be resolved if couples can avoid communication mistakes in relationships.
Good communication is essential to a healthy, harmonious union. Many happy couples employ the principles of good communication and avoid communication mistakes in relationships.
Happy couples deliberately make good communication a point of emphasis in their marriage. In any case, husbands and wives who engage in poor communication are generally putting their relationship at risk of harm.
So, what is good communication in marriage? What does it look like? In a nutshell, principles of good communication require complete avoidance of communication mistakes in relationships.
Communication Mistakes To Avoid In Your Relationship
Below are just a few examples of real communication mistakes in relationships you need to avoid to have a successful marriage…
1. Yelling And Screaming
The truth is that you can’t avoid raising your voice sometimes in a long-term relationship. But, if yelling and screaming become a habit in your relationship, there might be more problems springing up in your relationship than you can solve.
A lot of people made communication mistakes in relationships by thinking that screaming and yelling is the way to emphasize their opinion. Screaming and yelling don’t work, they only serve to provoke an even stronger emotional reaction from both partners during an argument.
Yelling at someone automatically tunes them into defensive mode. Just ask yourself this – “how many times have you changed your ways because someone screamed or yelled at you?
Calm discussion is communication; screaming and yelling are miscommunication.
2. Never Apologizing And Apologizing Too Much
One of the most frequently overlooked communication mistakes in relationships is “never apologizing and apologizing too much.” The key to effective communication in a relationship lies in striking a balance between never apologizing and apologizing too much. You don’t have to apologize for everything and shouldn’t expect your partner to do so as well.
Apologizing too much can create serious boundary issues especially if you keep apologizing without doing anything wrong. You don’t have to apologize simply to get your partner off your back and stop being yelled at or scream at.
Apologizing after every argument or conflict may seem like a safe bet, but it ultimately communicates to your partner that they can act horribly to you and you’ll be the one who apologizes.
If you find yourself tending towards over-apology, take note. This kind of behaviour will also keep things from being entirely truthful in the relationship. And you might find it difficult in the long run to honestly present your opinion during discussions with your partner.
3. Silent Treatment
Another top player on the list of communication mistakes in relationships is giving your partner the silent treatment.
Sometimes arguments can get so heated up that you simply want to withdraw from such a discussion. Or, it may seem like a good idea to just simply stop engaging your partner, whether to ‘punish’ them or simply just get away from the heat of the argument.
However, not talking to your partner for whatever reason will negatively impact your relationship. Using silent treatment is hardly beneficial to your relationship.
Giving your partner silent treatment is very dangerous to the health of your relationship. Try to talk to your partner always even if it’s hard.
4. Speaking In Absolutes
When communicating with your partner, try as much as possible to avoid saying things like “you always” or “you never” to your partner at all costs.
In a relationship, rarely is anything absolutely true and when one person is feeling attacked, it’s impossible to have a genuine discussion.
To avoid this, try not to speak in superlatives. You should focus on the feelings you’re experiencing, rather than the things you think your partner is doing wrong.
Even when you’re upset, you can use an “I” statement and give concrete examples. For instance, you might say, ‘You never help around the house or ‘You’re always telling me what to do,’ instead say, ‘I feel alone with all the housework around here. I’d really appreciate it if it felt like we were partners in getting things done.’
This way, you can avoid sabotaging your relationship by making sure no one feels attacked.
5. Saying How They “Should” And “Shouldn’t” Feel
How likely are you going to like it when someone tells you how to feel? Since you wouldn’t want someone to do that to you, it’s vital that you never tell your partner how to feel. Even though you really might feel that your partner is behaving or reacting improperly.
It’s inappropriate to tell your partner how they “should” or “shouldn’t” feel at any point in time. Any communication around invalidating your partner’s feelings is a hopeless case. A relationship where there is a consistent pattern of invalidating a partner’s feelings is definitely manipulative, and potentially emotionally abusive.
If you want things to stay less aggressive and more loving in your relationship — as much as possible, don’t jump to these sorts of statements, even when you’re the most upset.
You need to understand the fact that people’s perceptions of what did or didn’t happen or intentions can be debatable. But how actions (or lack thereof) affect someone’s emotions are never debatable.
6. Making Assumptions
Making assumptions is a habit that can sound the death bell of any relationship. While it’s natural to expect certain behaviour from your loved one, making assumptions and then sharing them can become really detrimental.
In a relationship, it’s vital to understand that your rules or expectations in a relationship aren’t universal and need to be communicated to your partner. It can help you and your partner gets what you want [or] need from the relationship and can create an incredibly fulfilling, satisfying relationship.
This means proactively talking about relationship boundaries and expectations before they become a problem. There won’t be room for assumptions if everything has already been discussed.
7. Not Asking For What You Need
This should probably be number one on the list of communication mistakes in relationships.
Not voicing your need can create a big problem in your relationship except that your partner is a mind reader. In a relationship, your partner can’t read your mind. This means that not asking for what you need can become a major roadblock to a healthy connection between you two.
When it comes to what you want out of a relationship, there are many reasons you may not want to be completely honest and even hypocritical at times.
However, this can become the source of a lot of misunderstanding and can put you in uncomfortable situations.
This sort of uncomfortable situation can occur at all stages of a relationship if you aren’t open about your needs. The only way to be on the same page with your partner is, to be honest, and open with your needs.
8. Not Bringing Up An Issue Before It Becomes A Bigger Problem
Every now and then, we encounter things in our relationship that bothers us and need to be addressed promptly but a lot of people push the such thing forward until it becomes a problem.
If you’ve developed a pet peeve, or something in the relationship is bothering you, it’s vital that you bring it up sooner rather than later.
“Next time you have a problem with your partner skipping out on date night, or when your partner won’t text you back for hours at a time, bring it up to them after you’ve had time to dig deep inside and find out the reason why it’s bugging you.
Maybe you were hurt in a previous relationship. Maybe you feel like you’re being put second. Bringing up larger themes will help your partner understand and connect with you on a deeper level. Plus, it’ll help you avoid bigger problems like screaming matches and silent treatments down the line.
9. Showing Disinterest In Their Ideas
Your relationship can fizzle if you can’t find a way to communicate support for your partner and their ideas. Showing contempt towards your partner and their ideas is one damaging action you shouldn’t take.
Treating your partner’s opinion and feelings as unimportant can be deadly to your relationship over time. Showing disinterest in your partner belittles them and put them down.
So even if your partner’s dreams seem a bit out of reach, keep in touch with the part of that dream that relates to why you fell for them in the first place.
10. Simply Not Listening
Good communicators are good listeners. Even if your partner annoys you, yet you should listen to them. It is important that you listen and pay attention to what they have to say. Don’t just listen for listening’s sake.
Not listening to your partner can turn arguments into a competition of who wins versus working together as partners to understand the situation and solve or manage the problem.
Also, don’t be so quick to defend yourself that you never actually listen to the issue. By taking the time to listen and try to understand your partner’s viewpoint, you would be able to solve or manage whatever issue that comes your way much easier. It is acceptable to feel angry or sad in a relationship, but you must also work on listening. Not doing so is a very sure way to sabotage things between the two of you.
11. Bringing Up Issues At The Wrong Time
Nothing causes communication breakdowns faster than bringing up issues at the wrong time.
Agreed, openness and honesty are the cornerstones of healthy relationships, yet you have to know when and where to talk about your issues. Timing is very important in communication. There are simply some times and places that are not appropriate for some types of conversations. Try not to bring up issues at the wrong time. Wrong timing can turn inconsequential issues into heated arguments and conflicts in a relationship.
When one of you is angry, stressed, tired, or hungry, that is usually not a good time to bring up an issue that could cause an argument. Wait until a more calm moment, and then open up about what’s bothering you. That way, you can avoid heightened energy during the conflict.
12. Not Accepting Repair Attempts
While it may seem confusing to try to show or accept signs of affection during the conflict, it is advisable that you really should. Try to give and accept repair attempts when you are having conflict in your relationship.
Specifically, if communication is going poorly and your partner attempts to lighten the mood with flirtation or humour, don’t get angrier assuming your spouse isn’t talking to you seriously instead use the moment to cool and calm yourself and each other and try discussing again in a more connected way. It may seem overwhelming to try to crack a joke or a smile in conflict, but it’s a really healthy way of showing your love.
Wrap It Up!
In the end, very few communication mistakes are unfixable. Saying ‘I’m sorry and I’ll try to do better with sincerity is always the simplest and most direct way to begin repairing a relationship with poor communication. The key is just actually trying to do better as well.
The fact is that we all make mistakes. Every couple is going to make a lot of mistakes. As long as a couple learns to discuss the issues constructively, be quick to forgive, and learn from those mistakes, they will keep growing in their relationship.” So even if you’ve started on a path of sabotage, if you are honest about it and are willing to readjust, it’s quite possible to get back on track.
