In marriages, sometimes couples say things that are bound to do damage to their relationship. Unfortunately, such damage cannot be reversed easily. That’s a mistake.
If people give themselves a short time to consider their responses, they can always find a way to say what they need to say without harming a relationship.
Everyone knows that arguments are inevitable in marriages and the heat of the moment, people say things that are harmful and hurtful.
Not only do these words express your anger but also it will hurt your husband’s feelings and potentially break the foundation on which your marriage is built. A thoughtful response is all that is needed to prevent a sorry situation later.
Things Not To Say To Your Husband
The words you speak to your husband are powerful. Whether it is during serious discussions or after a fight, you need to be careful about what you say to each other.
Here are things you should not say to your husband.
1. “Why can’t you be more like her husband?”
Saying something that compares your spouse and marriage to others is very toxic to your marriage.
The grass is usually greener on the other side, so you might be tempted to compare your spouse or your marriage to other people’s by saying something like, “my friend took her wife to Paris for their anniversary, that must’ve been nice”, or “why can’t you be more like her husband? He always helps around the house.”
The thing is, there is no perfect marriage and every marriage has its ups and downs. The couple that seems like they have everything might also encounter marital problems once in a while.
So, stop focusing on other people’s life and work on your relationship with your spouse so that the two of you try your best to meet each other’s expectations.
2. “I always do everything”
Let me break your bubbles, that statement is untrue. Agreed, you may be busy around the house all day, but it is probably far from true that you do everything alone.
This is something that many women make the mistake of saying to their husbands.
Instead of talking about how you do and complaining about how little he does, pay attention to what he does do and commend him for it. You will notice some big changes soon.
When you show your words of appreciation for the things your husband does, no matter how small, he will want to please you more and make more of an effort to help around the house.
3. “I wish I never married you!”
We all have expectations we want our spouse to meet and when your spouse fails at meeting a certain expectation of yours, you’d say “I wish I never married you” to him.
Saying something as extreme as this only means that you do not respect the relationship.
Expressing wishes of being single or regretting marrying your spouse will make him feel like a failure in the marriage.
It’s hurtful and counterproductive because even in bad times you should stick to your commitment to your spouse instead of thinking about how you would feel better off without him.
Again, saying something like this does not help you focus on solutions in your argument. All it does is cause further dissatisfaction and anxiety.
This would force your husband to think that you can live without him and that the love may never have existed at all. This could also lead to further rejection in the relationship.
4. “It is all your fault!”
You cannot clap with one hand, and it is never one person’s fault in marriage.
When you’re in an argument with your husband, it is easy to quickly turn to the blame game and start accusing each other of who is at fault. But this is not constructive at all and just adds to anger and frustration.
Yes, there may be times when it is no one’s fault, and the situation may have risen entirely due to a lack of communication or a misunderstanding.
This is when you need to ask yourself if blaming your husband for it all is a good idea. While you need not take the entire blame upon yourself, do not blame him either.
Assess the situation and try and understand why something went wrong. Remember, in your marriage, you are a team and you work things out together.
‘Fault’ is not what needs to be focused on, solutions are. Instead of arguing over whose fault things are, ask what you can do to help each other.
5. “Let me show you how it’s done”
This is more like saying “you are stupid at doing this.” Statements like these hurt men’s egos and can reduce your husband’s self-esteem.
Generally, men feel good about themselves when they think that they can solve life’s problems, no matter how small.
When you step in and direct your husband’s behaviour, especially if he has not asked you to, it is a direct message to him saying that he is not competent.
If you have any suggestions, start them off by saying something like, “I have a suggestion, if you’d like.” This way, you sound more like you are just trying to help rather than insulting him and saying that you can do better than him.
6. “My ex was always good…”
If the topic of exes is uncomfortable enough to discuss, imagine how hurtful it would be if you compare your husband to your former lovers.
Do not ever say things like, “my ex used to buy me flowers every month” or “when I dated him, he would do this stuff for me,” because it’s simply upsetting and unkind.
Just assume your husband told this to you, how miserable would you feel about it? That is exactly how he would also feel.
Concentrate on your current relationship and leave your former lovers out of the equation.
People are different, and while some may be good at certain things, some are good at certain other things.
Instead of demeaning your husband by throwing comparisons, be constructive and say, “it would be great if you could help me with this stuff.”
No matter what happens, you should never compare him to anyone, especially to your ex.
7. “You’re Overreacting”
If your husband is upset by something or is triggered by something, telling him he is overreacting is dismissive and disrespectful. You both deserve better than that.
Regardless of your thoughts on the matter, your husband is allowed to feel how he feels without you measuring whether his reaction is justified or not (and the same goes for you by the way).
Instead of saying ‘you’re overreacting, acknowledge how he is feeling, and ask what you can do to overcome it and move forward.
8. “Your family is bad!”
No matter how annoying you think your husband’s family is, never throw shade or say something insulting in front of him.
We are all very sensitive about our families and can never hear anything against the people with whom we have lived since our birth.
There are a variety of emotions that we share with them, besides the blood bond, which makes them very special to us.
So, hold your tongue before you say something like, “I’m not going to this family gathering, I can’t stand your mother.”
You may feel bad about something that a family member has done but instead of abusing them outright, explain the reason behind it to your husband and hopefully, he would understand why you’re feeling a certain way about them and even help you solve that problem.
That way, you can avoid those awkward moments like when the person overhears what you’re saying or forces your spouse to take sides.
9. “I don’t like your friends!”
We are an average of our four closest friends. If you do not like his friends, chances are you do not like something in him as well.
It is good to point out a certain characteristic of the group that you dislike, but disliking his friends altogether is rude.
Also, blaming your husband’s friends for his flaw is equally unacceptable.
You need to watch what you say regarding his friend, especially the closest.
A statement like, “how can you be friends with Simon? He’s a slob!” is bad and you are indirectly calling your husband a slob as well.
In case you do happen to have a strong dislike, have a stout reason as well. Just because he may be spending a tad bit more time with them, giving you the jealousy streaks, do not hate his friends, simply have it discussed with you man.
10. Threats Of Divorce
“If you don’t start talking to me, we might as well get a divorce.”
Occasionally thinking about what life might be like without your husband is normal and possibly benign, but threatening divorce is not.
When you are deeply hurt or angry, it can be tempting to consider cutting ties (or at least threatening it).
The heat of the moment can bring out potent words – like ‘divorce’ – you don’t mean.
Once ‘divorce’ is mentioned, the dynamic in a marriage changes and you cannot ever take it back. It will always haunt your marriage, filling it with doubts, insecurities and suspicions.
A discussion of divorce, whether warranted or not, should never be made a threat. It shows a lack of commitment and faith in preserving your marriage in the long run.
You go from all in, no matter what, to thinking and feeling like one person has one foot out the door and is ready to leave at any time.
So, unless it involves abuse or a more serious offence, try to work through the challenges together and stick with your promise to be there for better or worse.
Wrap It Up!
It’s important to know what to say and what not to say to your spouse, because you avoid heartbreak, anger, and fights.
The right words of appreciation and encouragement for your husband will make your marriage grow stronger.
Your marriage deserves respect and care, and always use the right words.
Over to you!
What were the best and the worst words you ever told your husband? Let us know by commenting below. We value your opinion more than ours.
