Dealing with financial problems in marriage can be very stressful and daunting. Indeed, money can’t buy love but it can ruin it. Money problems play a significant role in most divorces. It has been proven that money problems constitute four out of every five divorces. A discrepancy in money management and unspoken rules about how it is discussed (or not) can lead to considerable friction or rupture in a relationship.
A lot of financial advice had been given to couples by experts, yet if the source is not dealt with a change in result should not be expected. As the saying goes – you can’t change the fruit until you deal with the root.
Source Of Financial Problems In Marriage And Relationship
Many financial problems could threaten the smooth sail of any marriage but the most prominent ones include:
1. Debt
Debt is one of the financial issues that are most probable to bring doom to a relationship. Whether you’re newlywed or have been married for decades, debt can put stress on you and your partner individually and on your marriage as well. And as you may have already discovered the hard way, stress from being in debt can often lead to arguments, feelings of resentment, anger, and blame, and can take a toll on your time together.
Talking honestly about money — especially debt — can be difficult. But financial arguments and resentments can wreak havoc on your marriage, so it pays to get it all out in the open.
Regardless of where you are in your relationship, it’s always a good idea to create time to sit down and have an open conversation about debt with your partner. Doing this will help you conquer of the most awful financial problems in marriage.
2. Financial Deception
Financial deception is another cause of financial problems in marriages that seems widespread. Financial deception can have a dire consequence on your marriage. It destroys trust and creates feelings of resentment on the account that the other person finds out. Keeping a savings account or putting away some cash in hidden may seem harmless to you but it would not be so if your partner gets to know because they may not perceive it as you do or understand the rationale behind your actions.
Most people are guilty of financial deception to some extent. According to CreditCards.com, 41 per cent of us have spent more than $100 without telling our partner. Meanwhile, 19 per cent have hidden purchases of more than $500. Another study shows that one spouse admits to financial deception in two out of every five couples.
And, men rank highest on the offender’s list. Men are almost twice as likely as women to have spent more than $500 without notifying their spouse or partner.
According to a 2018 survey by the National Endowment for Financial Education, US, 75 per cent of couples surveyed said financial deception had adversely affected their relationships.
Being transparent about your finances is very important to the long-term health of your marriage. It builds trust and helps couple reach their financial goals faster.
3. Hiding Borrowing And Lending
Another terrible form of financial deception is the act of keeping debts secret. According to a report by CreditCards.com; about 31 per cent of people said keeping credit cards and other accounts from a partner is worse than physical infidelity.
Hiding borrowing and lending can create many financial problems in a relationship. Debt cannot be hidden forever and that is why it should not be hidden in the first instance. The truth is that it is unfair to hide debt from your partner. It is said that seven out of 10 Americans enter into marriage with debt, yet a large percentage of these people either hide or lie about their debt before marriage.
Lending money to someone, especially without your partner’s awareness or seeking their consent is disastrous to the marriage. Some people might not pay back as agreed and when it’s your relatives or close friend there may be little you can do to recover the money and if the amount was significant, it might affect the family’s financial goals.
I always advise couples not to lend what they cannot give; especially to friends and family. Of course, it may not sometimes be easy to draw a parallel line when it comes to lending to family members, but it is important to carry one’s spouse along. Remember, your money does not belong to only you again.
Couples who save money for a different vision of the future are bound to have financial issues in their marriage. Building a life and a home with someone means setting mutual financial goals.
It is unwise to assume that you are both chasing the same dream or heading in the same direction without taking some time to sit down and map out a financial plan together. It might be as simple as five-year money goals. The most important thing is the assurance that you are on the same page financially.
Break down the plan into steps to be accomplished in the coming months and years. You will build a stronger relationship; have a better understanding of your money and a future you both want as you work together on your financial goals.
5. Lack Of Saving Scheme.
I cannot emphasise the importance of a properly planned saving scheme in a marriage. Having a saving plan helps in many ways which include being able to attain financial freedom quickly and being able to cope with emergencies.
The great law of wealth generation states: “Unto he who continues to keep not less than 10% of his income shall more income visit, and from he who keeps no such store shall fresh income avoid, and even the little that struggles to get to him shall be quickly removed and given to he who keeps the store.”
Gentle words fall lightly, but they have great weight! We already know that more leads to more and that loss lead to more losses until something drastic stops the trend. This is why we must be careful with our saving plans, and why we must not lose momentum.
A properly planned saving scheme reduces debt and unnecessary financial problems in marriage. You must pay yourself first. You can start with as little as ten per cent (10%) but lesser is not advisable. Make saving a do-or-die affair in your life and marriage.
6. Overspending And Underspending
While overspending might not sound surprising as a relationship breaker; many people might see underspending as a bolt from the blue on the list of sources of financial problems in marriage. According to GoBankingRates.com, 38 per cent of people say “overspending” is what drags down their relationships while about 20 per cent claimed that being “too cheap” is a deal-breaker for them.
Overspending is a typical relationship dilemma; one which has brewed countless conflicts in relationships. It brings stress into relationships especially when one partner is to be a spender and the other is a saver.
Feelings of resentment can also be infused into the relationship when one person earns more than the other and the one earning less is the spender. Similarly, problems can arise if one person is too tight with the purse strings in a relationship. Being ‘too cheap’ can be embarrassing in social situations and it can become a very big issue if the other person shows antipathy towards the state of being “too cheap” portrayed by their partner.
Couples with spending-related issues should agree to a certain level of saving, such as 10 per cent or maybe 20 per cent of their combined income. If the saving threshold is being met, then the spending issues may subside. It may also help to consult a financial advisor or money coach to weigh in and come up with a budget that works for your family.
7. Not Making Time For Financial Talks
In most marriages, Money is like Lord Voldemort in the movie Harry Potter – whose name must not be mentioned. It is forbidden to talk about money in many homes. Too many couples waited until it was too late to start discussing money.
Regular, calm and honest talks about money are what make relationships thrive. Couples should schedule either weekly or monthly money-talk time. This will be the time to discuss money, including expenses, incomes, savings and investments. While this is a crucial moment in your relationship, it is important to try to keep emotions at bay; don’t let anger, blame and resentment enter into your money discussions. It destroys the objective of the discussion, and both parties would suffer.
Money talks should never be used to hurt each other; they are intended to help you move forward together. This is one of the things a couple can do to attain financial stability.
8. Ignorant About Your Partner’s Finances
If you love someone, you should care about one of the core aspects of their life; finances. Couples need to stay aware of each other’s spending in marriage. If it looks like your partner is spending beyond their means, start asking questions. It is not being nosy; it is being a responsible and caring partner.
It is also important for couples to be open to each other about their finances to support each other in the attainment of financial goals. Your knowledge and understanding of your partner’s finances would help you both to plan and set financial goals together.
9. Lack Of Gainful Employment
This might look trite and obvious yet joblessness and low earnings are the main cause of financial issues in many homes. If you are earning lower than your expenses; try and create other streams of income. This will help you to meet up with your financial needs. It could be taking up another job or turning your hobbies into a money-making venture.
If you are jobless, it is important to get something done even if it’s a low-paying job. The benefit is many folds. Even though the pay might be small yet the income can make a big difference compared to no income at all. Also, this will boost your CV and make it easier for you to get recommendations and a better job.
Even if you can get a low-paying job, you can opt to work for free for a reputable organization in your professional field.
The point I am trying to drive home is that you should let God find something to bless in your hand. Idleness causes poverty. Always seek avenues to prove to the world that you are more than just a jobless person. This might sound counterintuitive but the universe is designed to reward every effort you put into it. It doesn’t matter if someone notices your effort or not. It might be as simple as helping someone; putting in extra hours at work or doing more than you’ve been paid for. Sooner or later you will be rewarded by the universe. Just remember the saying; “what goes around, comes around.”
10. Lack Of Proper Planning As To Size Of Family
A lot of families are in a financial mess today because they fail to plan for the size of the family. Family growth should be balanced with financial growth. Couples should know the actual cost of raising kids and the average cost of tuition in their state. The cost of housing, groceries and other bills need to be considered as well.
Agreed, plans might fail because there is no perfect plan but if you find that your family size is bigger than your finances; you should devise a way to increase your earnings.
11. Unwise Investment
Unwise investments can bring lots of financial problems in marriage. It is easy to get carried away by the trend of getting rich quick scheme but it has put a lot of families’ finances in jeopardy. You should stay away from every form of shady business and investment. Ask questions and consult professionals before you embark on any investment. Don’t put your money into investments they know nothing about.
The best investment advice I have ever received is to invest money into the business that begets it.
12. No Separation Between Family And Business Money
Family money and business money are two separate entities. I learned this the hard way. If you run your own business, never let the two mix up together to avoid having financial problems in your marriage. If your business money is affected; your family finance will be affected overall.
Likewise, the money you’re saving for investment should not be used to clear family expenses. It is your future seed; don’t eat it.
13. Taking Too Much Irresponsibility
Financial problems in marriage don’t create themselves; they are created by men and women in most cases. Recently, I watched a movie in which a man approached his boss for an 80% salary advance; when he was asked the reason for requesting such an amount in advance. He explained that his father’s younger brother’s son is throwing a birthday party for his daughter and he want to support him. When the boss asked him how his family is going to survive the month, he became dumbfounded.
You smile. I know it’s funny but it’s true how a lot of people take too much irresponsibility as their responsibility. It is important to think carefully before you spend and not the other way round. Ask yourself – “what will happen if I spend this money on this and what will happen if I don’t.” This will help you to make wise decisions about your spending.
14. Extravagant Living
It is wise to delay gratification. Many couples are facing financial money problems in their marriage because they cannot discipline themselves regarding their spending. They spend all their income and tend to borrow a bit more to live extravagantly.
Instant gratification otherwise known as lifestyle inflation is a situation when you are always willing to increase your spending (and thus, lifestyle) when your income increases. It makes consideration of saving intolerable or excusable.
To delay extravagant living is to hold the key to financial prosperity. It is the secret of wealth accumulation. You do this by quietly delaying gratification. You cultivate the discipline of buying only what you need, and not what you want.
You simply pay yourself first, 10% or more of your income and resist the temptation to give in to commercial advertising. Tame your desires. Budget your spending and never touch your wealth accumulation account to gratify wants. Defend the growth of your savings and take advantage of opportunities for better growth.
15. Wastefulness And Unwise Spending
To avoid financial crises in marriage, avoid wastefulness like a plague. Wasting your recourses is very bad for your financial future. Don’t cook more than you can eat. Never buy what you don’t need or buy in excess. Don’t spend unwisely, plan your day. This will help you plan for your routes and your meals. Don’t spend money unnecessarily to please anyone. Always consider the implications of your spending on your family before you spend.
God hate wasters and wastefulness is a sin according to some religions.
16. Stinginess
Stinginess is another cause of financial problems in marriage. The stingy are unwilling to “let go” even though he amasses over and above what he immediately needs for him or herself.
While it is wise to be prudent with your money, it is important to know the boundary between prudence and stinginess. Do not be too tight with the purse-string in some vital areas of your family need such as healthcare, good nutrition, moderate entertainment, good shelter and so on.
Stinginess can be disastrous to the harmony of a family if care is not taken. You pay twice or thrice as much as you should pay if your stinginess on important things backfires.
17. Unfaithfulness To God In Giving
Giving is an important but often neglected part of our finances. Your savings must be moderated by giving so that greed won’t set in. you should have a set amount to give to God and man.
Come to think of it this way. God gives you a life, a great family, a job, good health, a good physique and a sound mind. What more can you give to beat that.
The more you give out, the more your financial status increases.
18. Negative Confessions
Have you heard the saying – “As a man thinketh so is he”? What is your belief about money? What is your mindset concerning prosperity? You need the right mindset towards money to prosper financially.
Many people are held back financially because they have a poor mental attitude toward money. Always say positive things about your finances. Have positive confessions on your lips always. Adopt the millionaire mindset and soar into financial freedom.
19. No United Prayer Against Poverty
Committing every aspect of your life to God is very important and your finances should have a prominent place in your prayer points list. A lot of people have asked me – “why should God be concerned about my money?” and I replied, “Because He wants to prosper financially in life.”
So, pray concerning your finances with your partner always; this singular act can make a great difference.
Wrap It Up!
Problems in marriage are bad and can make a mess of any relationship. It is important to know the sources of financial problems in marriage and do whatever it takes to avoid them.
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