Catching on that your partner is unfaithful can make you feel traumatised. Such discovery can brew up a crisis in your marriage. The truth is that knowing that your partner is unfaithful can throw your marriage into jeopardy.
Usually, people always want to know why their partner cheat, nevertheless there is no straightforward answer to why people cheat or become unfaithful in a relationship.
Unfaithfulness could be an indication of other problems in your marriage, it may have something to do with your partner’s past, and sometimes it could be unrelated to you or your marriage.
How To Cope With The Aftermath of betrayal
Knowing that your partner is unfaithful brings you a lot of complicated feelings to sort through no matter the cause of infidelity in your marriage. As you decide to move forward, the moment can be challenging because you have a lot to think about.
The following tips can help you cope when your partner is unfaithful:
1. Accept Your Feelings
It is natural to feel shocked, in pain, confused, agitated and depressed. Usually, it takes time to get over the pain of having an unfaithful partner because you will likely feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster.
Even if you’re trying to forgive your partner and repair your marriage, don’t expect the mixed feelings and the suspicion to go away overnight. Automatically, your marriage has changed and it is normal to be sad about your old relationship.
2. Don’t Seek Revenge
Finding out that your partner is unfaithful can get you frenzy. Instinctually you respond to the situation by trying to punish your partner. You may choose to trash-talk him or her to friends, post about it on social media or worst still, think about having an affair yourself to get even.
Temporarily, these sorts of actions may give you a sense of satisfaction but eventually, they can come back to haunt you. This can keep you in a state of anger and make it difficult for you to focus on healing and moving on, alone or with your mate.
It is crucial to think deeply before you talk about it with your family. Most likely, they will have strong opinions about what you should do – leave or stay. But every marriage is unique which is why an outsider cannot understand what goes on in another person’s marriage. It’s best to keep the details private while you are thinking about how you’re going to carry on.
3. Try to Take Care of Yourself
Knowing your partner is unfaithful can induce stress and some stress-related physical reactions such as sleeping disorders, diarrhoea, shakiness, nausea, eating disorders, and difficulty concentrating.
Try your best to overcome the initial shock by eating healthy foods, having enough sleep, getting some exercise daily, drinking plenty of water and most importantly, having some fun.
4. Avoid the Blame Game
In as much as you would like to blame someone for the terrible occurrence, it is advisable to steer clear of the blame game. Do not waste your energy by blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party because it won’t change anything.
Playing the victim as well as wallowing in self-pity will worsen the situation. It will only make you feel more helpless and bad about yourself.
5. Keep Your Kids out of It
It is a bad idea to get the kids involved in the situation, what happened should be sorted out between you and your partner. Sharing details about your partner’s affair will only put your children in a shaky position. Even if you’ve resolved to divorce, try as much as possible to keep the details of the affair away from the kids. It will bring them to worry, make them feel stuck in the middle, and force them to take sides.
6. Seek Counseling
Infidelity in marriage is a very tough occurrence to cope with and for this reason, it is good not to try to get through the aftermath of infidelity alone. Try to talk to a couple’s counsellor before you decide on whether or not to end your marriage. A couple’s counsellor will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened.
Seeing a couple’s counsellor will give you a good avenue to ask your mate questions and express your feelings without losing your cool.
An experienced therapist can help you communicate better and process feelings of guilt, shame, and whatever else you might be feeling. If you decide to end the marriage, you’ll know that you tried your best to make it work.
7. Get Practical
Knowing that your partner is unfaithful will most likely sound like the death bell of your marriage. If you’ve decided to end your marriage, it is wise to think about practical matters, such as getting new accommodation, how to pay for your essentials, and, if you have kids, what type of custody arrangement you want?
You may also want to get yourself tested for STDs and you may consider asking your partner to be tested as well if you have had sex during or after the affair.
8. Take It One Day at a Time
Unfaithfulness in marriage can bring unexplainable challenges into a marriage, but it doesn’t always mean it’s over and done with. As you try to move forward and work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life, together or apart, can begin.
Wrap It Up!
Catching on that your partner is unfaithful is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, which is why only you can decide what you want with the marriage. Whether you want to end it or not depends on how you handle the whole issue.
