Communication problems in marriage can be hurtful. Many marriages today are going through turbulent times because of communication breakdowns.
It is a known fact that no marriage can thrive without good communication, yet lots of couples place communication in their marriage on the back burner.
Causes of Communication Problems In Marriage
Poor communication and lack of communication are communication problems that can occur in relationships due to a lot of reasons. In this post, we shall discuss a few of them.
1. Too much screen time and Excuse of no time
In recent times, there has been a decent amount of struggle between gadgets and people over who gets the most attention in a relationship.
It is very easy to profess your love for someone but give your attention to other things. Phones, TV, and Games are all great to have around but they should never be allowed to compete with your spouse for your attention.
Too much screen time can cause a lack of communication in marriage or communication problems in marriage.
It’s hard to be present with your partner if you’re scrolling your favourite Social media or streaming videos online.
To prevent screen time to cause communication problems in your marriage try to Unplug once in a while and give your partner your full attention.
2. Wrong Perception About Each Other
Couples who exhibit the wrong opinion about each other find it difficult to have good communication. Our insight and view about each other affect how we approach a discussion with our partner.
Perception clash in a relationship often leads to confusion, feeling angry or sad and can spark a conflict.
When couples attach rights and wrongs to perception it leads to nothing but conflict. The thing about perception is that it’s the truth in the eye of the beholder.
Meaning that our perceptions are the truth to us; a powerful one at that and they form an important part of who we are.
The moment you tell someone their perception of something is wrong, or incorrect you’ve officially invalidated their experience and in sense, part of who they are.
Perceptions serve as the bridge between emotion and responding to that emotion. In other words, perceptions often lead to anger or frustration — secondary emotions that are fueled by fear and pain.
If perceptions are fueled by negative emotions, then they will often turn into negative behaviours.
When your thoughts about yourself or your partner are negative at the moment, then you may feel emotionally insecure and unsafe, and any negative behaviour that arises from that is the body’s natural response to feeling emotionally threatened.
But there’s something very interesting to think about in terms of negative perceptions – they’re most often not true!
An important point to note is that your perception is your truth, but it may not be the truth for your partner and that’s okay.
So, assuming that your perception is better or more accurate than your partner’s can lead to invalidation of your partner’s perception.
The invalidation can emerge in a mixture of ways such as criticizing, blaming, insulting, etc but it is eventually received by your partner as an attack.
The assumption of betterment often leads to invalidation but it’s the invalidation that creates the toxic experience and communication breakdown.
If you let the processes repeat themselves, it can turn your relationship hostile eventually.
3. Selfishness And Self Centeredness
Selfishness is possibly the most dangerous threat to good communication and oneness in marriage. It influences how we talk to each other, how we divide responsibilities in the home, how we resolve conflicts, and even how we spend our time.
We are humans, we deserve things for ourselves now and then, but we tend to be self-indulgent at some point in our lives, mainly when we want something badly.
Nonetheless, there comes a time when we exceed the limit of our boundaries and become too self-centred. Selfishness hinders good communication in marriage because most selfish lovers exhibit some negative communication attitudes.
Selfishly fixed attitudes such as not being considerate, having a me-first attitude, not consulting with a partner on an important decision, being too rigid and not compromising are hazardous to good communication in relationships.
And when these selfish habits become a persistent occurrence in a relationship, it’s doubtlessly going to lead to relationship communication problems.
Nothing makes a relationship more lopsided than selfishly fixed attitudes. Men and women alike stubbornly ignore the needs of their partners.
Some men prefer fishing or hunting or playing golf, or even spending an extra hour or two at the office to avoid their wives.
And likewise, some women would spend countless hours shopping, not for their families but avoid responsibilities at home and gratify themselves.
4. Hiding Feelings
Resentments build up in a relationship where partners hide their feelings. This can cause relationship communication problems in marriage or ultimately leads to a lack of communication in marriage. Good communication thrives on partners being honest about their feelings in a relationship.
Sometimes it might feel good to just sweep issues under the carpet for peace to reign but communication problems in marriage or lack of communication could be consequences in the long run.
Not being honest can make it challenging to get a resolution or move forward with an issue if one of you isn’t being honest. Make a pact to be truthful with each other and deal with feelings together rather than sweep them under the rug.
5. Unforgiveness and Animosity
Whether you anticipate it or not, some kind of hurt or disappointment is sure to happen in every relationship eventually.
More often than not, it is the rather small things which can cause a lot of pain and discomfort like a little thorn in your foot. When these things start to pile up and go unresolved it can become overwhelming.
Holding onto an unforgiving attitude will cause you to experience anger, bitterness, enmity and ill-feeling which lead to poor communication in marriage.
6. Competing With One Another
Life begins with competition.
From pregnancy conception to the struggle to get the best grades or coming first in the field of sport, earning more money than the next person or looking younger and more beautiful than your peers; competitions in life can become fierce and a large percentage of the human populace has developed a competitive attitude.
Sadly, this competitive attitude can easily seep into a marriage and cause a lot of trouble, especially where communication is concerned.
When spouses feel that they have to compete with one another, it brings out an individualistic element in a marriage which is detrimental to the unity of a couple.
7. Immaturity And Sulking
Relationships sail through smoothly when two people are emotionally mature enough to understand the commitment that comes with settling down.
Immaturity of one person in the relationship can ruin it for good. Maturity in a relationship, on the other hand, will make you work through conflicts and misunderstandings.
An emotionally immature person will find it difficult to communicate with their partner. He or she will never understand that a genuine, healthy relationship requires mutual trust and respect, and no drama.
Emotional immature persons believe that the world revolves around them alone.
Emotional maturity is what makes it possible to have a fight or argument and then reach a compromise and/or makeup.
Both partners must be able to take responsibility for themselves and their actions to subsequently recognize the other person’s point of view.
Emotionally mature people are also more likely to be able to regulate their impulses to not let a fight get excessively out of control.
In this way, emotional maturity can be essential glue that binds two people together.
8. Casual Jealousy
Jealousy! No matter it forms is one of the worst problems any relationship can encounter. Most forms of jealousy are unhealthy for relationships.
You may be expressing signs of casual jealousy if you keep wondering who every text is from, or get a fit because you saw your partner laughing with someone of the opposite sex.
Assumptions can ruin relationships. Assuming the worst damages, both trust and communication in relationships.
9. Harsh Words
No one likes to be insulted. It’s ridiculously hard to listen to someone who is insulting you.
If you don’t want to brew up communication problems in marriage or cause a lack of communication in your marriage; avoid insulting your partner.
Harsh words make it difficult to hear the real meaning behind the message. In any case, most people go on the defensive if they feel accused.
Trying to speak more gently will help you solve most relationship communication problems and other related issues.
10. Stonewalling and Yelling
Stonewalling is counterproductive and harmful to communication in the marriage.
Yelling and stonewalling are two awful behaviours found at either end of the communication scale.
The moment you start yelling or screaming to discharge or express your anger, the tension begins to build and you might find your partner stonewalling if they don’t want to yell back at you or create an awful scene.
Stonewalling is a display of passive-aggressive tactics whereby the person withdraws and refuses to communicate at all.
11. Natural Disinterest
Natural disinterest is the root cause of many communication problems in marriage.
Numerous couples experience losing the “spark” in their relationship at one time or the other thereby leading them to lose hope and even look elsewhere for the excitement of newfound intimacy.
Many things could lead to deep disinterest in a relationship such as evolved differences, sheer familiarity or slowly growing apart.
The truth is that human emotions do change over time and you may wake up one morning only to realize that the enthusiasm that turns your heart racing for another person has changed to boredom and dissatisfaction.
Lack of interest or losing the “spark” can cause significant damage to communication in a relationship.
It is important to learn how to combat disinterest early on in your relationship to prevent it from ruining your marriage.
12. Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations are the root cause of some communication problems in marriage. Expecting your partner to always know what you feel or what you want is unlikely.
They do not mind readers, so putting such responsibility on them is a sign of selfishness.
You need to realize that life gets in the way from time to time which means your partner just can’t put as much focus into the relationship as you like.
Conducting a reality check on your expectation is very crucial if you’re struggling with communication problems in your relationship or marriage.
13. Making Them Responsible For You
I always tell my clients – Don’t let anyone hold your happiness in their hands; hold it in your own, so it will always be within your reach. Own your feelings so you can handle them with grace and openness.
It is impractical to make someone else responsible for your thoughts and feelings.
If you’re making your partner responsible for keeping you happy, you are being selfish and your communication is certain to be clouded by frustration and the weight of all those expectations.
You can solve many relationship communication problems by practising good self-care and taking steps to meet your own emotional needs so you can communicate with your partner from a place of strength.
14. Not Knowing Their Love Language
Some people respond well to praise while some like to talk things out. Perhaps your partner enjoys receiving small gifts or reminders that you were thinking of them.
Or possibly your partner reacts best to practical help, such as help with chores.
Everyone has their love language and the love language of each individual varies a bit.
It will work wonders for your relationship communication to Know your partner’s love language well. When you learn to understand their language, you can communicate better with them.
15. Keeping Score
When anger gets the best of you in a marriage a very common reaction is to be vengeful or seek retribution from your spouse.
Keeping score, whether it is of the money spent, chores are done, or a list of past wrongs is toxic to any relationship. It’s hard to communicate well if you feel like your transgressions are going on a cosmic tally sheet.
If you want your communications to be honest, loving, and helpful, drop the scorekeeping and only focus on the matter.
Remember, your relationship is not a competition and neither is your partner your competitor and so you’re not in it to win it.
Whatever happened in the past let it go so you can focus on the present and solve your relationship communication problems.
16. Poor Listening Skills
Listening is more important than talking – every good communicator knows this.
Poor listening skills are the top cause of marriage communication problems. It often leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding.
If one of you doesn’t feel heard or validated or doesn’t understand what the other is trying to get across, frustration and misunderstandings are sure to follow.
To improve the quality of communication in your relationship, try to practice active listening.
Instead of waiting anxiously for your turn to speak, why not try to Listen carefully to what your partner says, then reflect it to them in your own words, without judgment or accusation.
You’ll learn more about what they mean, and they’ll feel heard – invite them to do the same for you, too.
17. Lack Of Empathy
Sometimes communication problems in marriage come down to not having enough empathy for the other person.
It’s so easy to get caught up in what we feel and need and worry about that we forget to take into account what our partner is feeling. It’s not a character flaw – it’s just part of being human.
However, if you can learn to put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they are thinking, feeling, and going through, your communications will improve dramatically.
Watch this video to learn more about communication problems in marriage:
Wrap It Up!
Other Reasons For No Communication In Marriage
So far, we’ve been able to discuss some 17 causes of communication problems in marriage; but other causes can contribute significantly to communication problems in marriage such as; Lack of understanding, failure to study each other, stubbornness and oppressive and the pressure of family, job and life.
You need to pay attention and watch out for these causes if you are facing communication problems in your marriage.
