Unforgiving spirit can destroy marriages and valuable relationships, breaking family ties. There are many couples today who harbour in the deep recesses of their hearts a scourge, a hurt, a feeling of bitterness, a dislike, or in some cases even hate because of unpleasant experiences with their partners in the past. A few have been lied to or had a long-standing trust betrayed.
Husbands and wives may have deep schisms between them caused by criticism and a resulting resentment. Unforgiving spirit poisons the heart with spirits of vengeance, malice, hatred, wrath or frustration. The unforgiving spirit can enslave couples and make them do what they are not supposed to do.
Consequences Of Unforgiving Spirit In Relationship
There are serious consequences for unforgiveness to you and your marriage. Unforgiving spirit can cause damage to children, damage to relationships, forgiveness, freedom and choice.
1. Loss of Health and Vitality
God provides two-way healing and blessing through forgiveness. It is two-way because both those confessing (seeking forgiveness) and those forgiving will receive healing and blessing. But when people did not confess or forgive, they suffered physically.
Now let me ask you these – How about you? Are your physical struggles more spiritual than medical? This does not say all sicknesses or physical ailments are from specific sins in your life that forgiveness will cure! But, the consequences for unconfessed sin and unforgiving spirit are bad. And, if you refuse to forgive, don’t expect to be as healthy and happy as before.
2. Loss of Joy Is Cause By Unforgiving Spirit
“It is a simple but sometimes forgotten truth that the greatest enemy to present joy and high hopes is the cultivation of retrospective bitterness.” – Robert G. Menzies
An unforgiving spirit is a thief of joy. The only alternative to forgiveness is vengeance and bitterness. Think about it, there is no middle ground, no matter how you try to avoid the issue. So, ask yourself – do I want to forgive or be bitter and vengeful?
The wars and disputes you have with your enemies are fueled by bitterness and vengeance. They are probably at the heart of your marriage or family struggle. Bitterness and vengeance always hurt and destroy you as well as others.
3. Loss of Freedom
Another consequence of unforgiveness is the loss of freedom. Unforgiving spirit takes hold of your freedom using three Cs i.e. Consumed, Controlled and Conformed. You become consumed with the offender, Controlled by the offender, and conformed to become Like the Offender.
– Being consumed with the offender
How can you be free when you spend so much time thinking about how they hurt you? Your mind is trapped on trying to resolve something that is best left in God’s care. Spending a lot of time thinking about your offender is like building a nice house for them in your mind and moving them in. You paint and maintain the house, because you constantly visit it and THEM.
Bitterness and vengeance are traps. Vengeance is considered a “right”. Bitterness blinds you and moves you to a place you never wanted or intended to be. You think it will make you better, but it just makes you bitter. And, bitterness is an open wound, draining life from you.
– Being controlled by the offender
Have you ever realized that not only do your offenders consume your mind, but worse yet, but they also control you? They control your thoughts, actions, and feelings as long as you carry the grudge. The more you want vengeance, the more energy drains from you as you plot, seek, or try to get revenge. And, even if you do get revenge, you often have regrets, second-guess or feel it wasn’t enough.
– Being conformed to be like the offender
Think about this. If you want to learn cricket or tennis, you spend time playing and thinking about it. If you want to learn something new, you read about it, think about it. When you immerse yourself into something; it becomes part of you. So, the more energy you use and the more time you spend thinking about the person who wronged you, the greater the chance they have to influence your thoughts and actions. You increase the possibility of becoming just like them.
Now, what do you think will happen to a relationship between two wrongdoers? It is also important to note that your partner might have hurt you out of the blue but unforgiveness can turn you into an intentional offender.
4. Loss of Hope
Depression is often born from an unhealthy focus on past events. It can be birthed from trying to control a past event, the unfairness of what happened, and the lost hope for justice. Hope, like joy, doesn’t grow from an unforgiving spirit, vengeance, bitterness or holding grudges. Hope takes root in the soil of forgiveness.
Can you right a wrong that has occurred in the past? Of course not! It happened, it is a fact, it is part of history, and you cannot change it. But you can accept that it happened, learn from it, forgive, and move on because your PERFECT Father God knows about it and will turn it into the “best” for you as you trust Him.
Finally, a marriage where unforgiving spirits reign does not nurture hope. It is forgiveness that encourages hope and a new future for your life and marriage. That’s what forgiveness is about.
5. Loss of Future Generations’ Health
The effects of unforgiveness in a relationship can be very damaging to the children. Research shows parents’ unresolved issues can pass on to children. The disputes and hatreds of couples and families, who cling to bitterness, are evidence of the tenacity of sin and its transmission from father to son; to mother to daughter. Obviously, attitudes, words, and actions pass on to your children. Even if they learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them, they still suffer in other ways for your mistakes.
Wrap It Up!
The past is over. Move on! Trust God to redeem your past! He knows what is best for you. And, He is using this situation for your best and for your partner’s best. Trust His PERFECTION! Doing it any other way will create more problems in your marriage.
Forgiveness puts a new future before your marriage and gives you a new way to see those who hurt you. It may be the one act that allows you to truly imitate God, the original, Master Forgiver.
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