In most cases, mothers-in-law are perceived as the major culprit in this regard but several people have had some difficult time with other in-laws such as father-in-law, sister-in-law, brothers-in-law and so on.
Are All In-Laws Relationship Toxic?
While a lot of women claim to be having some level of discord with their mothers-in-law yet, a lot of people have enjoyed a smooth relationship with their in-laws.
No matter the kind of relationship you have with your in-laws, you need to realize that your in-laws are a crucial part of your life – they are an important part of your spouse’s life and so they automatically become a crucial part of your life as well.
Understanding this simple concept will help you to be positive about dealing with in-laws. Usually, it can be tricky to balance your needs with the needs of others – especially the needs of an entirely new family.
However, knowing the right ways to deal with in-laws makes it possible to create harmony in the family – and it’s very much worth the effort.
How To Deal With In-Laws.
While in-laws are a crucial part of your life, there are some basic rules for dealing with in-laws which must be followed if you want to create harmony in the family. In this article, I will be sharing with you tips to deal with in-laws.
These tips on ways to deal with in-laws will help you to set and enforce boundaries, show a solid front with your partner, communicate to resolve conflicts, and set realistic expectations while still keeping your cool.
Here are ways to deal with in-laws without burning yourself out:
1. Work With Your Spouse
Working with your spouse is key among other ways to deal with in-laws. To effectively deal with in-laws, you have to be on the same page about it with your spouse.
You need to first work through conflicts with your spouse – this is crucial as you’re in this together.
It is selfish to put your spouse in a situation where he or she will have to take sides with you or a relative. Doing this put your spouse in a terrible dilemma.
Alternatively, strive to recognize the tie your spouse share with his or her grandparents, parents, and siblings. Preferably, strive to support that relationship. Even if your spouse has parents from hell, they are his or her parents.
2. Set Boundaries and Limits
Another way to deal with in-laws is to decide beforehand what’s important and what’s not. Setting boundaries and limits is an important step in nurturing any relationship.
No candy before mealtime for the kids? No loans for in-laws? With your spouse, decide what’s important and what’s not.
For example, we let our kids have as much screen time as they want after school and on weekends. Want to watch cartoons before dinner? Fine by me…as long as you watch before 9 p.m. But we’re indeed, surely particular about school work. And it helps our kids to get good grades.
To effectively deal with in-laws and other intermediaries, you should work as a team with your spouse to set your family values. Then communicate your values to all of your in-laws.
Appeasing people to keep the peace rarely solves the problem — especially if your in-laws are bullies. So, don’t make promises that you can’t keep, to maintain your boundaries and values.
3. Enforce the Boundaries and Limits
One of the best ways to deal with in-laws is to stick to your guns when it comes to boundaries. You have to be strict with your in-laws in enforcing your boundaries and limits.
For instance, if you don’t want a drop-in company, let your in-laws be aware that you’d like better that they call earlier to they showing up at your doorstep without notice.
If they disregard your notice, don’t answer the door the next time they just happen to drop by. Even if they do have a lemon meringue pie.
Do you think your in-laws are toxic to your relationship? Watch the video for the warning signs:
4. Communicate Directly
Your in-laws aren’t ghosts so, sidestep communicating with them through a third party whenever possible. Having direct communication with your in-laws is one of the easiest ways to deal with in-laws.
It’s inappropriate to ask your partner to talk to his sister about something she did that hurt your feelings. It’s best to talk to your sister-in-law, brother-in-law, mother-in-law or any other in-laws directly.
Try to address whatever that is bothering you as soon as possible. Doing this will bring light to the issue – and you’ll know if it’s genuine problem or it’s just a misunderstanding.
5. Know Yourself And Keep Yourself
One of the best pieces of marriage advice is from Shakespeare many years ago: ‘don’t try to remake yourself into the person your in-laws want.’
For instance, what if they’re looking for little Susie Homemaker and you’re a high-powered corporate attorney? You’re under no obligation on your day off to bake Swedish rye bread and churn your butter. Get a manicure and call for some take-out instead.
6. Get With the Program
Not every father-in-law lives to snake out your kitchen sink; not every mother-in-law dreams of baking cookies with her grandchildren. Put away the stereotypes and adjust your thinking to the reality of the situation.
Don’t expect what people can’t deliver – it’s the right attitude to deal with in-laws.
7. Learn to Cool Off
I tend to jump in where angels fear to tread. It’s always headfirst, too. Fortunately, my husband is far more levelheaded. Many times, the best thing to do is nothing. Time heals many wounds — and wounds many heels.
While we’re at it, play nice. Spare your in-laws with the insults and character attacks. For example, Jack’s father-in-law once called his son a knee-jerk liberal. “I had it on the tip of my tongue to call him a “bloody fascist,” Jack said. “Fortunately, I bit my tongue-even though he is a fascist.”
Read Also: Things You Should Never Say To Your Mother-In-Law
8. Be Mature
Your parents have to love you; it’s in the contract. But your in-laws don’t.
Accept the fact that your in-laws aren’t your parents and won’t follow the same rules. Try to think “different” — not “better” or “worse.” To make this work, give in on small points and negotiate the key issues.
Learn to see the situation from your in-law’s point of view. And even if you don’t agree, act like a big person. For example, I hate pork. I never eat it; I rarely cook it.
Nonetheless, for years my mother-in-law would make a pork roast when we came to her house for dinner.
After wallowing in more pork than Congress produces, I came to see that she was trying to please her poor pork-deprived son. Big deal: I learned to have a salad before we ate at her house. My husband porked up in peace and the only one to suffer was Babe, the poor porker.
9. Be Kind
Being kind and acting kind is one of the trouble-free ways to deal with in-laws. Even if you have to grit your teeth, try to say something nice to your in-laws. Alternatively, if you really can’t say something nice, shut your mouth and smile.
10. Keep Your Sense of Humor
In-laws can be very funny at times. And so, you need a very good sense of humour to rightly deal with in-laws.
A woman tells her story: “When I was pregnant with my first child, my father-in-law bought me a special gift: My very own funeral plot. ‘Why a funeral plot?’ I asked him. ‘Well,’ he replied, ‘you might not make it through the birth and I thought you should be prepared.’” I probably would have slugged the codger upside his head; but, in contrast, laughed and thanked him for his gift.
P.S. She and all her children are fine.
Wrap It Up!
Without a doubt, your relationship with your in-laws will greatly affect your marriage. So, it is imperative to know how to deal with in-laws to have a smooth relationship with them.
In this article, we have shared with you some ways to deal with in-laws and we hope that these tips to deal with in-laws will help you build good family relationships with your in-laws.
