Here’s a look at what the study says about the most typical causes of divorce, whether you’re just curious or considering your own marital difficulties.
The topic of what causes divorce has long been explored by social scientists and other academics. Some have examined characteristics that can be easily measured that increase the likelihood of divorce, such as the age at which people get married. However, other researchers have gotten directly to the point by speaking with divorcés about the reasons they believe their marriages failed.
We created a list of the top eight causes of divorce and rated them according to how frequently research participants stated that those reasons were a major factor in their marriage’s failure after comparing the findings from several of the best studies (see details below).
It’s critical to state the obvious before moving on to the list: The percentages for the responses add up to more than 100% because there are typically multiple factors involved in a divorce, many of which are interrelated. For instance, people are more prone to engage in extramarital affairs when their marriage is already having troubles, and communication problems make problems like financial disagreements worse. You won’t be surprised to learn that couples frequently disagree on the reason for their separation, which is another difficult element.
Even so, hearing other people’s perspectives on their divorces from a distance can be instructive. And if you want to prevent the same conclusion from occurring in your own marriage, it can be helpful to spot the warning signals of these issues.
1. Lack of Commitment
Lack of commitment came out on top in several studies where participants were asked to select from a list of significant causes of divorce. (Up to 85% of participants in one study responded in this way.)
It’s interesting to note that a different study found that lack of commitment was also the issue that couples were most likely to agree on, despite the fact that most of the time one partner blames the other for not trying harder to salvage the marriage.
Lack of commitment might appear nebulous and difficult to demonstrate (or refute), especially to the person who is receiving the blame. The visible reasons for divorce are frequently connected to other factors, such as extramarital encounters, a refusal to discuss the union, and a failure to cooperate on financial matters. That’s perhaps why so many people cite a lack of commitment as a major reason for divorce; they perceive it as the root cause of a number of more glaring issues.
Legal Grounds for Divorce vs. the “Real” Causes of marriage failure
Legally speaking, whether you have a “valid” reason for divorcing your spouse relies on the grounds that are permitted by the laws of your state.
Every state offers a form of “no-fault divorce.” In this type of divorce, the divorce petition may merely declare one of the no-fault reasons available in your state—typically a reason like “irreconcilable differences” or a “irretrievable breakdown” in your marriage—instead of placing blame for the separation. Those legal no-fault grounds, of course, don’t explain why a marriage ended irreparably.
In some states, one spouse has the right to formally blame the other for the divorce. Adultery, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and recurrent substance misuse are a few examples of legal grounds for a “fault” divorce.
However, even if one of these grounds is cited by a spouse, the divorce may still have been initiated for other reasons. Instead, it might have merely been the final straw on top of other, long-standing marital issues that are harder to see.
2. Incompatibility and Growing Apart
The “irreconcilable differences” standard for no-fault divorce was chosen by lawmakers, and they were right. We grew apart, we drifted apart, or we were plain incompatible are common responses from divorced persons when asked why their marriages ended (up to 55% in one research).
This idea of incompatibility may also cover other causes of divorce that have been mentioned in the research, such as a lack of shared values; getting married too early (which increases the likelihood of growing apart); sexual problems; and religious differences.
Of course, many couples embrace their differences and even find comfort in them. However, the foundation of the majority of happy marriages is a set of shared (or at least similar) objectives, interests, and beliefs. Outward indications of incompatibility frequently coexist with other prevalent causes of divorce, especially the following item on the list, poor communication.
3. Communication Problems
Approximately 50% of participants in several studies listed communication problems, such as frequent arguments and inability to communicate, as the cause of their divorce. Once more, issues with communication can be the root of other causes of divorce, such as disagreements over finances and parental obligations.
When you and your partner are constantly disagreeing, it is easy to spot. Keep an eye out for recurring conflicts about the same issue or disagreements that never truly get settled, even if the battles aren’t that frequent or violent. That can be a sign that you need assistance developing more effective communication skills, perhaps through couple’s therapy.
4. Extramarital Affairs
Even while adultery (or infidelity) was mentioned in every study we looked at, its incidence as one of the leading causes of divorce ranged from 20% in one study to 60% in others.
This large range might be an indication that at least some divorcees view an affair as the final straw following a succession of prior marital issues. Someone leaving the marriage for closeness, excitement, or distraction—or even as an unintentional ploy to convince the other partner to dissolve the marriage—could be a result of those other issues.
5. Financial Incompatibility: Money Disagreements
According to various studies, around 40% of people cited financial issues as one of the major causes of divorce, particularly complaints about their ex-spouse’s financial management. Because they frequently result from differences in priorities and beliefs surrounding financial decisions, arguments over money are also referred to as “financial incompatibility.”
The signs that you and your spouse are not financially compatible include when:
- one of you conceals information about purchases or other financial decisions or outright lies about them, (like making investments or withdrawing money from savings)
- Neither of you consults the other before making significant purchases or making other decisions that have an impact on your shared finances.
- You can’t have regular calmly discussions about your finances
- The two of you cannot or will not make common financial objectives (such as budgeting and saving to purchase a house, have children, or develop a retirement nest egg).
- You can set joint financial goals, but one of you continues sabotaging them.
It should come as no surprise that research has revealed that lower-income couples are more likely to list financial incompatibility as the primary causes of divorce. There may be more conflict over financial matters when there is less to go around and more stress associated with being able to pay expenses. Of course, arguments over money and property persist during the divorce itself, regardless of the couple’s income level.
6. Substance Abuse
According to several surveys, between 10% and 35% of people indicated their spouse’s drug or alcohol abuse was the reason behind their divorce.
There are numerous indications that your partner may have a substance use disorder, including:
- alterations in sleep patterns, eating habits, and personal hygiene;
- secretive behaviour
- abrupt mood swings
- paranoia or other personality changes
- neglecting obligations to one’s family or job
- quitting long-standing friendships or pursuits
- an irrational desire for additional income, and
- difficulties with concentration or memory.
7. Domestic Abuse
In various research, 15% to 25% of individuals cited domestic violence as a major reason for divorce. More than a third of participants in a study on elder divorced spouses cited verbal, emotional, or physical abuse as one of the three main causes of their split.
In general, women and men have extremely diverse perspectives on domestic violence as a factor in divorce. In one nationwide study, only 9% of men and 42% of women mentioned domestic violence as a major factor in their divorce. The fact that women are far more likely than men to experience intimate partner abuse and that abuse victims are more likely than abusers to attribute the behaviour to the divorce could be reflected in this.
Learn the warning signs of relationship abuse, the impact of spousal abuse on divorce, and how to protect yourself when leaving an abusive relationship.
8. Conflicts Over Family Responsibilities
About 20% of participants in certain studies who were asked about the significant causes of divorce indicated disputes in their marriage over:
- how to bring up their children
- Other tasks for the family and
- the home, such as child care.
It’s crucial to note that at least one study found that women were much more likely than men to list these disagreements as a key reason for their divorce. (In earlier research that provided participants with a checklist of causes of divorce, the lists rarely contained disagreements over family responsibilities—possibly because many social scientists disregarded or assumed that marriages between men and women followed gender roles.)
Some Reasons For Divorce Matter More Than Others
As mentioned, this list of the main causes of divorce is based on our analysis of several research studies. It takes into account how frequently people have named these as important factors in their own divorces—not how serious the problems are at the time. As an obvious illustration, communication issues are typically more serious than any type of domestic violence.
The vast majority of couples experience at least one of the issues on this list at some point throughout their relationship, but every marriage is obviously different. While some problems (such as domestic abuse and significant substance misuse disorders) are more detrimental than others, most don’t always result in divorce—as long as both couples are prepared to cooperate to keep the marriage intact. That is likely the reason why a lack of commitment was mentioned most frequently in various research.
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